Recently, I've found myself really worrying about leaving. I can't believe that I'm going to have to leave my amazing friends, my amazing family, and my amazing dog. 

When I first joined, I was super excited to get to meet everyone, I was going on calls with them all of the time, and I was so stoked to be able to leave for 9 months. Now that it's getting closer, this is all hitting me at once. I'm going to be gone, and I've never been far away from my family for longer than a week. I'm getting super nervous because I'm scared that I'm not going to get all of the things I need for training camp in June. I'm scared that I'm not going to be able to connect with anyone and I'll be lonely for 9 MONTHS!!! I'm scared that my money won't get fundraised and I'll have to leave the trip early. There's sooo much fear, but I don't even know why. 

All of this fear is not from me. I have been excited to travel and leave home ever since I was little. I'm finally getting the chance to do it, and I couldn't be happier. I know that this is what God is calling me into. I know that ever since I was a little girl I wanted to serve God across the world somewhere. So why am I freaking out? 

I've always believed that God has a plan and God will provide. He would not call me to go across the country so that my life would be ruined. He would not call me to a place where I would be lonely and wouldn't be able to share his love. He has given me this opportunity to change my life. 

Though the fear is real, I was able to spend the last week in Costa Rica. It was an amazing trip that allowed me to grow closer with my friends, see Jesus change lives from brokenness to joy and hope, and see Jesus restore relationships. I got to spend my week with wonderful children who did not speak English at all, but I got to see Jesus through them. Although they had endured so much pain and suffering from adults and other people in their lives, they still fully trusted my team and I to come in and love them. I would walk into a room and be swarmed with hugs from them. Although they were just kids, they were filled with Jesus and you could feel Jesus when you saw them. 

I thought that I was going there to change these kids lives and teach them more about God's love, but honestly they did that to me. These kids showed me that Jesus is genuinely the only thing that you need. Hearing their stories, and hearing what they've been through, it's impossible to not be heartbroken. But even though they endured so much pain, they loved Jesus through it all. 

On that trip, I also realized that I hate bugs way more than I thought I did. There were huge bugs EVERYWHERE. There was a HUGE spider that c r a w l e d out of the sink (I'm not joking it was 5 inches long).

I also absolutely hate beans. If you have ever been on a missions trip to Mexico or any Spanish speaking country, you know that it is rude to not eat all of the food that they serve you. First night we were in the host family's home, they gave us chicken, rice and beans. I tried so hard to like the beans, but I genuinely couldn't. I felt so bad, so I would literally swallow like 10 whole beans at a time. I started gagging and almost threw up because I was legit taking shots of b e a n s. But anyways, I'll just have to learn to love them lol.. 

Although there were very little things that bugged me, the week gave me so much hope for the future. I got to see God working in every little thing, and if i can experience all of that in one week, what will God do in 9 months?

You can choose fear or faith.  I choose faith.